Marvelous Volcanic Ensemble

If loving these three is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Seriously, though, J-Woww’s dress is hot. I’m sure it’s not Balmain, because these girls don’t exactly wear couture, but it’s clearly supposed to look like Balmain. I approve.

Snooki looks adorably tacky, as usual.

And finally, Deena looks exactly what a 7-year-old girl imagines she’ll look like when she grows up and becomes a pop star. I approve of the outfit, but only for Jersey Shore cast members, or Jem of Jem and the Holograms. 

Either way, Deena is my favorite! She’s a blast in a glass!

- Lahav

Hello, my royal subjects!

I, Catherine Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge and future Princess, woke up this morning and said “What should I wear to this charity gala?”

Of course, there was no question of what to do with my hair, because my hair is always perfect and shiny. That’s why the tabs call me Princess Shinyhair. (Yes, I read tabloids. Don’t tell Wills!)

Anyway, I said “Hey, I’m a married to a freaking prince. If there’s ever an appropriate time to wear something pink and shiny and girly, it’s when you’re an almost-princess, and your prince is in a tux.”

I really am the belle of the ball in this Jenny Packham gown, aren’t I?

By the way, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m moving to a palace and looking for servants. That whole modest cottage, no-servants thing, was just to convince you of my awesomeness before the wedding. Now that you all love me (and that attention-hogging bitch, Pippa), I’m going to milk this princess thing for all it’s worth. I need a housekeeper, valet, butler and dresser. It’s not that easy to zip up these gorgeous gowns, you know.

Love,

Kate (as imagined by Lahav’s twisted mind.)